permanent for now

i ended up here
early afternoon erev shabbos
and decided i wanted to try again

i sit now, at the intersection
of décarie and girouard,
wishing i had done differently

but i know where that path leads
and wishing i had done differently
doesn't change how i acted.

i cannot take back what i did.
i built a house on quicksand
because i couldn't see 

i just cant blame new york for this.

i stand here on sherbrooke west
outside of the centre jeunesse emploi
it's snowing. but it's warm.

the prospect of moving forward.
the feeling of being at peace.
in february, once more I call NDG home.

i finally put up mezuzahs
and i'm changing the hooks
because it's permanent for now.

how i know you are my favorite person

  ...and i will grow
and drop all my plans
for a chance to see you
no longer

i will care for myself
and find stability in change
to spite this 'consistency'
i've never known

you are a river
and i am a raindrop
you are my favorite
but i'm just me

because the world
once revolved around you:
everyone there wanted you
but not me. (i needed you)

i am a linguist
and you are an artist
we are eating tofu
on my kitchen floor

things will change
and when they do,
i'll mourn what's past
no more.

when i awake
the last thing i'll check
is my phone
...