cellphone contacts

"what is it that your therapist said?
"you're 'making mountains out of molehills' again?"
well, yes, maybe i am making problems
or at least blowing them out of proportion
(maybe i'm even being a little dramatic)

but i think that's warranted in this situation
i find myself housed (!) with a good support network (!)
and yet flip through my cellphone contacts late at night
when i need someone to talk to and come up blank
finding nobody i can call

i realize i am covered in snow
from sitting in the park by beis rivka
i hopped the fence into the baseball diamond
meandered northward and lay down in the middle
with a foot of snow as my pillow

and yes maybe it is concerning that
your voice is the one in my head right now
"rationalizing" me after all these years
but you know me i've always needed a bit of antagonism
always loved a healthy dose of masochism

as i begin to head home to warm up
stumbling just a little, typing on my ipod
only now noticing the dampness in my left shoe
which i know was never meant for this weather—
just below freezing, perfect for drinking in the park—

i feel a compulsion now (why now?)
i need to write i need to write i need to write
i need to get this out onto some paper or somewhere else
it's bad enough that he's in my head
i don't need you here too!!!